If Ghosts Could Bleed
by morethanwordscansay
Summary: SOMETIME POST ALWAYS He awoke in the darkness all alone in his bed so he went to find her. He didn't think he would regret it. NOW COMPLETE! :
1. Chapter 1

**Multi chap fic! Hope you enjoy. Please review and let me know if you want more :)**

**Disclaimer: In a perfect world...perhaps...** **(goes into dreamland)**

The room was pitch black as Castle stirred in his sleep. His eyes fluttered open reluctantly against the darkness. He looked at his bedside clock to discover that it was 3:47am. He rolled onto his back sighing and reached out a hand carefully, expecting for it to be met by the warmth of Kate's body, but instead, it lingered in the cool air. He reached out again, further this time, but with the same result. She wasn't there. He sat up carefully and reached out for the lamp beside his bed, switching it on. He blinked against the harsh light, as he slowly became more and more awake.

He glanced at the bed, empty, except for him. He looked to his left to confirm that the light of his ensuite wasn't on before getting out of his bed and walking to the door. He opened it slowly, in an attempt to make as little noise as possible and crept out into his living room, his bare feet tiptoeing across the carpet.

"Kate." He whispered as his eyes searched the darkness for her silhouette. "Kate."

He walked forward slowly. "OW!" He knocked his leg into the coffee table and closed his mouth tight to prevent any loud cursing from escaping it. He shook it off and felt his way carefully to the kitchen.

His feet met cool tiles as he took a slow step forward. He felt something wet cover the bottom of his foot and took another step only for it to happen again. He grimaced in the darkness as he reached for the light switch and flicked it on. He looked down at the kitchen floor as panic ran through him. His heart raced as he screamed, "KATE! KATE!", his voice desperate and scared. He ran from room to room, leaving bloody footprints in his wake, yelling, begging for her to answer him, but she didn't.

He ran breathlessly back to his bedroom, grabbed his phone, tears falling form his eyes and called the first person that came to mind.

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	2. Chapter 2

**First of all i would like to send out a SUPERMASSIVE thankyou to everyone who reviewed/read! THANKYOU!**

**I was completely overwhelmed with the response :) and a little excited...okay... a lot excited. **

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"Castle, Castle…Castle"

He heard someone calling his name, but found he couldn't respond – he didn't have the energy. His face was pale, his eyes red and swollen. He felt like he had been hit by a truck that reversed only to do it all over again.

"Castle!"

He looked down sharply at the harsh tone and into the worried blue eyes of Ryan.

Wiping a hand over his face he replied, "Yeah?"

Ryan studied him for a moment before motioning for him to sit on the couch as he realized that Castle wouldn't be able to stand up much longer.

"Castle, sit, okay? Just breathe for a minute. It's going to be alright."

"Relax bro." Esposito said as he joined them in Castle's living room and sat in an armchair opposite to the couch that held Castle and Ryan. "It'll be okay." He didn't sound convinced, but Castle nodded politely at the other men's attempts at easing the situation. He honestly appreciated it, even though he couldn't right then and there. He was, however, completely relieved that Alexis and Martha were away.

Ryan put his hand comfortingly on Castle's shoulder. "Could you tell us exactly what happened?"

Castle nodded again, his eyes glazing over. "I woke up and I realized that she wasn't in bed so I went out to try and find her."

Esposito's eyes narrowed. "What woke you?"

Castle shrugged. "I don't know. Really. I just woke up."

"What time was that?" Ryan asked.

"3:47."

"What happened then?" Esposito continued.

"I walked into the lounge room and kicked my toe on the coffee table before I went to the kitchen." He paused, breathed in and out deeply before continuing. "I stepped into the kitchen and I felt something wet on my foot so I took another step and the same thing happened." He closed his eyes, forcing a tear to fall from them. "I turned the light on and … that's when I saw it… The blood - so much blood. I screamed her name and ran around the house – just yelling. I checked every room and then I called you guys."

"Did you see anything? Hear anything?"

"No. I heard nothing, I saw nothing and now she's gone. The door was locked and so are the windows. Her blood is all over my kitchen floor. And she's…she's gone."

"Castle it's not your fault." Ryan said calmly.

"He's right. You can't blame yourself."

"I was right there. I was right there." He whispered. "How could I not blame myself? I'm always right here but I can never save her!" He stood up angrily as tears rolled freely from his cheeks.

Ryan and Esposito could do nothing but watch him as they buried their fear so they could help as much as they could.

"Please tell me you found something Lanie." Esposito begged. His eyes glazed with despair. He knew that they had been in tough scrapes before, but this…it felt different. Something was very wrong. Like Castle had said – there was so much blood. He could see it from where is stood. Lanie had her back turned against it. She had seen enough.

Lanie looked more tired than usual and her eyes were swollen. She covered her eyes with her hands. Before Esposito took her in his arms and hugged her, saying softly, "It's okay. Just tell me what you know?"

She nodded against his chest before pulling back, his arms on her forearms. "I need to take samples of the blood back to the lab for analysis so we can determine whose it is. We have examined all the footprints but they are all Castle's. There's no weapon, no fingerprints, no DNA." She blinked away tears before looking into his eyes. "Javi, the door was locked; we have nothing to go on."

He breathed in and out deeply. There was nothing he could say to that to make her feel better. She knew crime scenes better than anyone else. There was no argument to be had, no words of comfort. He just stared back and whispered, not really wanting to know the answer, "Could she have survived that much blood loss?"

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	3. Chapter 3

**MASSIVE thanks to all those you reviewed/favourite/read! :) **

People rushed by him in a blur, his vision cloudy and his feelings delved beyond helpless. He was sitting in 'his' chair beside Beckett's desk, unable to move and at the same time never wanting to get up. He had overheard Lanie and Esposito talking. Their words burned into his memory.

"_Could she have survived that much blood loss?"_

"_We don't even know if the blood is hers, Javi." She said dismissively, not wanting to believe the worst until she knew for sure._

"_Well then could anyone have survived that much blood loss?"_

_She paused, not wanting to answer. "No." She said as a tear slipped from her cheek. "God, no."_

His eyes welled with tears at the memory as he tried to convince himself that it wasn't her blood. He was so angry at himself. How did he not hear anything?

He put his head in his hands, head on his knees as frustration welled inside him forcing him to spring from his seat and pace and pace and pace.

"Castle, Castle…Castle!" It was Esposito, but he didn't want to listen, he couldn't stop. He needed to do something anything.

Esposito sighed heavily before grabbing Castle by the shoulders and hauling him back into his chair. He didn't want to do that. "Castle, stop, okay? Just stop. Please." His feeling of desperation deepened. He was at a loss. He had no idea what to do.

Castle didn't fight him, he didn't have the energy, but most of all he knew Esposito was only trying to help him. He didn't want to make the already horrific situation worse by turning on his friends.

"Blood results are back." It was Lanie, followed by Ryan walking quickly towards them.

Castle flicked his head towards them, his breathing shallow in anticipation. Did he want to hear this?

"The blood shows DNA from two victims." Castle breathed a sigh of relief. She could have survived.

"We got a match for Beckett, but the other has no pair in the system. We have no idea who it belongs to."

"Do you know how he got in?" Castle asked, his voice low and strained.

"No, I'm sorry." Ryan answered regretfully. "The guy was a ghost."

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	4. Chapter 4

**Alright, THANKYOU! :) Once again the response has been phenomenal. For those who reviewed i want you to know that it is GREATLY appreciated. :)**

**I am working on longer chapters so don't worry :) It's just that sometimes something small is all that comes out. **

3 Months Later…

The blood had been cleaned from the kitchen floor long ago yet he could still smell it everywhere he went. It haunted him. The cold, metallic smell – the feel of it on his bare feet. It was something that he hadn't been able to escape from no matter where he was.

It had been three months. Three long months of absolutely nothing. No leads, no clues, no evidence, nothing. Though no one said it, they were all certain that she was dead. Every now and then his mind would wander to a place that agreed that she was never coming back - alive anyway. He would sink and sink, grabbing an expensive bottle by the neck and emptying it in a matter of hours. It wouldn't be long until all the hope he held for her safe return would be gone.

Slowly he became worse and worse, the smell of blood growing ever stronger as he fell into a state of grief and reluctant acceptance that he would never see her again, never touch her again, never talk to her again. He wanted more than anything to hear her voice, see her smile, hear her laugh. Then there were times when he begged himself to forget her completely - to stop dreaming of her, to stop thinking about her.

He started to think about how life had been easier before he met her. Easier, perhaps, but not better. She had changed him. But most importantly she had loved him.

He sat in his office, alone. The loft silent. He didn't want to go to the precinct today. He didn't want to be told for the millionth time that they had nothing and had gotten no where. He didn't want to go there and see the grim expressions of Ryan and Esposito and the tears that Lanie tried to hold back every time she saw him. They all thought it, but no one was game enough to say it. They had all individually decided that she was dead. They had convinced themselves of the worst and now they were attempting to work through their grief while pretending to hold out hope that had been long lost. She was gone. That was that. How could it be so simple? Castle couldn't help but think that no matter who you were in life everyone is equal in death.

He looked out of the window and at the city that was constantly growing, moving, evolving. It was abundant with life and hope, violence and worries. It was full of people who had lost more than he had and people who had gained more than he. It was a grey sea of buildings and lonely strangers. He watched people walk by with his tired, red eyes. He couldn't help but think of how many times he had wandered through the city with her - following after her, chasing down a murderer, walking through a crime scene. Their purpose had been morbid yet exciting. Now, he didn't want to walk the streets. He didn't want to stay in his loft either. He eventually decided that there was nowhere and nothing that could make him stop thinking of her. Of who she was, who they could have been.

His thoughts swung to her father, Jim. He had hardly talked to the older man since she disappeared. He didn't want to say anything, didn't want tell him anything. He didn't want it to be real. He didn't want to have to tell her father that they had nothing and were getting nowhere. He didn't want to tell him that they thought she was dead. He couldn't do it. Well didn't want to. He couldn't say it out loud. It was torture enough when he merely thought it.

She was dead. She was dead. She was dead.

He wiped away tears as he begged his mind to just stop. He stood up in frustration and walked to the window, pounding his fist on the glass. He let out a frustrated sob as he crumbled to the floor just as all of his plans of their future had fallen and broken when he saw the blood. There was so much blood.

He raked his hands through his hair and wiped his eyes. He had to get up. One day. Not today.

So he just sat there. The smell of non-existent blood making him feel nauseous.

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	5. Chapter 5

**THANKS FOR THE AWESOME RESPONSE YET AGAIN. YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! :)**

His mother and daughter had visited that evening. They had stayed for dinner and laughed and talked like all was right in the world. God, he wanted to believe them. He put on a brave face – laughed when they laughed and returned their love, no strings attached. They were his family. His smiles were genuine when he was with them, though they were haunted by grief and guilt that he just couldn't let go off. They felt it too. The grief. They had just become a family only to have it fall apart. Losing Kate was like losing a limb. She wasn't blood related and her and Castle had only been together for a while, but she had become family – a mother to Alexis, a daughter to Martha. They were happy. Now they weren't. It was that simple.

Martha had left early to go to a play and Alexis had stayed and eaten ice cream with her father. They sat on the kitchen bench with at least ten different ice cream containers sitting around them. They mindlessly dug their spoons into the creamy dessert and lifted it to their mouths hoping that they would find solace in the smooth, soft texture. They ate in silence for a while as they both remembered the numerous times when they had done this with Kate. Her favourite flavour sat untouched between them as they remembered her smile and laugh.

Alexis watched her father closely for a moment, taking in his tired eyes and features. She sighed sadly.

"You still have nothing don't you?" She whispered looking down at the floor, setting her spoon and container of ice cream on the bench beside her legs. The comfort food wasn't helping.

Castle turned to look at her. He knew exactly what she was talking about. He knew exactly what answer she wanted him to give her, but he couldn't. He couldn't lie to her. So he said nothing.

"She's gone isn't she?" Alexis asked in a grief stricken whisper that caused tears to form in her father's eyes. It was one thing for him to be broken, but for him to have to watch his daughter fall to pieces; it was a completely different thing.

He moved the ice cream that was between them and slid next to her, wrapping his arm around her shaking shoulders. She buried her head into his chest and he gave her the only answer he could without lying to her.

"I don't know."

They stayed like that for a while - both of them crying silently while holding each other tightly before Alexis carefully pulled back and slid from the bench, allowing her feet to touch the floor once again.

"I should go." She whispered and Castle nodded. "Will you be okay?"

"Yeah." He said, not quite convincingly.

She smiled sadly before kissing his cheek. "Goodnight Dad. I love you."

"I love you too. Be safe, okay?"

She nodded before heading out the door with a small wave, leaving Castle once again alone.

He breathed in and out deeply before getting off the bench and began putting away all of the ice cream containers, the cold air from the freezer making him shiver. He walked over to his couch and sat down, emotionally exhausted. He looked around his empty loft, completely unsure of what to do next. He just didn't know anymore. He had nowhere to be, nothing to do and all the time in the world to do it. He had too much time. That was his problem. He couldn't keep his thoughts away from her and the fact that she was gone. He hadn't accepted it. He probably never would. Well, he never wanted to anyway. His heart raced and his eye warm as sudden anger rose through his chest. He was so frustrated. He just wanted to scream, to break something. She is dead, he told himself, dead, gone. He grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it as hard as he could at the wall, fully aware that he would regret it if he broke something. He put his head in his hands as tears fell from his cheeks. He was completely defeated. Completely shattered, torn, broken.

A soft knock interrupted his grief stricken thoughts as he wiped his tear quickly and calmed his shaking body. Breathing in and out deeply he walked to the door and slowly opened it.

His heart stopped, mouth gaped open, his eyes wide as tears swarmed to them once again and fell down his cheeks without his control. It was her. It was Kate. Standing at his door, an uncertain look on her face. He stared at her before shaking his head violently, whispering "No, no. This isn't real. You're not here. This isn't real."

She took a step towards him, "Castle."

"No!" He almost yelled, stepping back into this loft, tears streaming. "I've had this dream before. This isn't real. This isn't real."

She stepped forward quickly before he could retreat forward, grabbing his shoulders. She ran her hands up his neck and rested them on either side of his face before whispering. "Castle, this is real. I'm here, okay, I'm right here." Tears streamed down her cheeks as he kept his eyes down, unable to look at her. "Castle." She pleaded. "Look at me."

His swollen, red eyes slowly made their way to hers. They were filled with hurt and anger and disbelief. "You're dead." He said more to himself then to Kate. "You're gone. The blood. There was so much blood." He let out a shaking breath, his eyes on hers. "You're dead."

She stroked his face softly. "I'm right here Castle. I'm real, alive." She grabbed one of his hands and placed it on her chest so he could feel her heart beat, his fingers absent minded stroked her smooth skin. "I'm real." She pleaded with him to believe her.

He shook his head and pulled away from her, walking into his office. She stood there for a moment completely afraid that she was losing him before following him into the dark room.

"Castle." She begged.

He turned around to face her, anger filling every inch of him. "You don't get to do this." He yelled. "You can't just come here and…" he sighed frustrated. "I have had this dream so many times. You're here now, but when I wake up you're gone. YOU'RE GONE KATE! AND I'M STILL HERE. I SEE YOUR FACE EVERYWHERE I GO. I THINK OF YOU ALL TIME. I THINK ABOUT HOW I COULDN'T SAVE YOU." He crumpled to the floor in defeat as the anger subsided, his voice a pained whisper as he stared straight into her eyes. "I couldn't save you."

She falls onto her knees in front of him. She had no idea what to say or do. So she did what she had wanted to do so many times over the last three months. She kissed him softly before whispering, "This is real Castle. I'm real."

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	6. Chapter 6

**WELL... WHAT AN AWESOME RESPONSE YET AGAIN. I'M SENDING HUGE THANKYOUS TO EVERYONE. YES THAT MEANS YOU! :) THANKYOU.**

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3 months earlier…

The room was pitch black as Beckett stirred in her sleep. Her eyes fluttered open reluctantly against the darkness. She looked at the bedside clock to discover that it was 3:15am. She rolled onto her back sighing and reached out a hand carefully until it was met by the warmth of Rick's body. She sighed happily before moving her hand away and getting out of the bed and walking quietly to the bedroom door which she opened slowly and disappeared through, closing it behind her. She stopped in the living room to allow her eyes to adjust to the darkness before slowly making her way to the kitchen.

She stopped once her bare feet met the cool tiles and glanced around in the darkness. She swore she heard something. Shrugging it off she took another step so she could reach the light switch to the kitchen. She flicked it on and closed her eyes against the bright light. She suddenly felt a hand over her mouth and an arm tighten around her waist, stifling her startled scream as a male voice whispered in her ear, "I'm not going to hurt you. Just relax and I'll let you go. I'm here to help." He paused breathing in and out deeply, "My name is Mr Smith."

At that she stopped her attempt to free herself from his hold, her heart still pounding. He slowly released her and she spun around quickly to face him, her eyes narrowed and her facial expression serious. She wanted to yell at him, demand an explanation, but she couldn't. She didn't know where to begin. Instead she whispered, "What do you want?"

He stepped back from her and leaned heavily against the kitchen bench, breathing heavily. "I came to take you with me. To protect you". He gulped in more air. It was then that she realized he was bleeding. Her eyes widened. "What happened?"

His hand touched the spot on his shirt where blood was leaking from. It travelled down his pants and onto the floor. "You know what happened." He said strongly. His eyes on hers.

"He came after you."

He nodded. "He promised to put you in the ground. For good."

Her heart fluttered. "How did you get away?"

He shook his head. "That doesn't matter. You have to come with me before it's too late. We can end this once and for all. Just not here. You have to hide with me until I can get things figured out. Otherwise he will kill you and anyone who tries to stop him."

She looked towards the bedroom where Castle still lay sleeping. She didn't trust this 'Mr Smith', but she knew Castle's life was in as much danger as hers if she stayed. He would stop at nothing to protect her.

"We don't have much time." Mr Smith said breathlessly as more blood trickled down his body even though his hand was clamped tightly to his wound.

She stared into his eyes, i lump rising in her throat. "What do I have to do?"

"Make it look as though you're already dead." He twisted his back until he could grab a knife out of the rack on the bench and held it out for her.

She stared at it before saying. "No."

"You have too."

"I can't!" She whispered harshly, crossing her arms.

"Then let me." He said. "It's the only way."

Her body began to shake as she held out her arm slowly. This was for him. For Castle.

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	7. Chapter 7

**This one is a bit short, but the next one should be longer...i think. Maybe. :)**

**Thankyou for all those you have reviewed/read/favourited. It is GREATLY appreciated. **

She had no idea how long they had sat there, her hands cradling his head – fingers stroking his cheeks and running through his hair as she whispered reassuringly in his ear in an attempt to calm him down. "Castle I'm alive. I'm right here. It's okay Castle, everything is okay".

She had not expected him to accept her sudden reappearance into his life immediately after she had so abruptly left it. She knew he would be angry, well furious, but she had never expected it to go like this. He looked at her like she was an illusion, something his mind had conjured up. His eyes bore a dark grief and distress which haunted her. It made her start to question if she was real; after all she had been living like a shadow for the past three months.

Tears stained their cheeks as she was eventually able to pull him from the floor of his office and walk him slowly to his bed. His skin was cold and he was shivering. He was completely silent and walked as though in a trance, guided by a ghost. He had turned pale as soon as he had seen her and remained that way making his red eyes stand out even more. Her heart ached at the pain she had caused him. She had been thinking about it ever since the night she had left. She would go over scenario after scenario of how she would come back and tell him that she was alright. She never expected that he wouldn't believe. She never expected that he would give up hope of her still being alive even after all this time. But then again her sudden departure from society, from family, from friends left her with nothing but hope. Hope that she would see them again soon. Hope that they were okay. Hope that they would be thrilled when they saw her again. She had no idea that she had shattered everyone she loved to pieces and would come back to see them broken. Could she fix it?

Rick kept his eyes off of her as he lifted the blankets and lay down in his bed, pulling them tightly around him. He just couldn't do it anymore. He blinked away tears as he rolled onto his side, Kate watching sadly, wiping her own tears. She walked over to the bed in the darkness and stroked his hair before leaning down and pressing a light kiss to his temple and whispering in his ear, "I'm so sorry Castle".

She stood up and wiped her eyes before she turned and took a step toward the door. She went to take another one but was halted by a hand in hers, pulling her back. She smiled as more and more tears fell. She turned around as he tugged her arm again pushing her to the edge of the bed. He had the blankets lifted so she could crawl in next to him. He had given up. His need for her won over his fear that she wasn't real, that it had all been a dream. He feared that when he woke up she would be gone, again. But right now, she was there, real or not, she was there and he couldn't let that go.

She carefully crawled into the bed next to him as he wiggled closer to the centre, pulling her with him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and she did the same to him, neither ever wanting to let go. But sleep eventually beat their desire to stay conscious as their exhausted minds and bodies were finally allowed to rest, yet again, in one another's arms.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Alright, here we go...longer chapter as promised. Hopefully you guys will enjoy. BIG SHOUT OUT once more to those who reviewed, they are GREATLY appreciated. So THANKYOU! :D**

**Also THANKYOU to those you read/favourited. **

His room filled slowly with the soft glow of sunlight peeking through the blinds, illuminating the two entwined bodies sleeping in the bed. The sheets were as twisted as their limbs as in their sleep they had continued to pull the other closer. Both of his arms held her tightly to his chest that moved slowly up and down while he slept. His head rested on hers and their legs were knotted together. They were the definition of serenity, of peace, contentment. At that moment they had not a care in the world, not a trouble to rid of their soft smiles nor a tear to cry. For right then and there, all was forgotten – the pain, the grief, the time they had spent a part just melted away.

Right then, right there, they were together and that was all that mattered until – they woke up.

Rick's eyes slowly fluttered open as his mind lulled between the worlds of sleep and awareness. For a moment he forgot all that had happened the night before and he remained calm and content with the woman that he loved held tight in his arms. But suddenly it all flooded back to him. He remembered opening the door, seeing her standing there. He remembered yelling and crying, falling to the floor only for her to pull him up and walk him to his bed. He remembered her soft lips against his temple and her words spoken through tears "I'm sorry Castle". He remembered seeing her begin to walk away and subconsciously reaching out a hand to stop her, pulling her toward the bed where she crawled in next to him. He remembered believing that it was all a dream, a figment of his imaginations, a mirage, a wish, a trick of his mind. She wasn't there, she couldn't be. She was dead.

His heart raced as the images of the previous night ran through his head and sat up quickly as he became overwhelmed with emotion and adrenalin. He needed to run, to cry, to scream. He needed to do anything, something. He didn't care. He just…He just…

He didn't even know. Though he didn't want to admit it, he was absolutely certain she was dead, gone forever, yet he had just been holding her in his bed, warm, together.

He squeezed his eyes forcing tears to fall down his cheeks. His face was flushed and his breathing heavy. Slowly he opened his eyes and turned around to see whether or not it was true, real – whether or not she was still there, that his mind had not been being oh so cruel. His eyes met hers. She was sitting up with a look of surprise and uncertainty on her face. She had been fast asleep when she felt his body move quickly from underneath her, startling her from her dream state. She had opened her eyes to see his back turned to her, sitting on the bed, breathing heavily. Then he turned to her, tears on his cheeks and a look of desperation on his face. They stared at each other for a moment before he whispered. "You're alive".

She smiled sadly at his statement as she nodded. His words were so simple and obvious yet at the same time so powerful coming from his lips. He had been so upset and dismissive when she had tried to reassure him the night before and to hear him say it out loud without a trace of doubt brought tears to her eyes. She continued to watch him, just waiting for him to process everything. She didn't want to push him after all she had put him through.

"You're alive". He repeated, more to himself than to her. "You're alive".

Then all of a sudden his eyes became wide and a smile fell on his lips as he moved toward her and pulled her tightly into an embrace. "You're alive". His tears were filled with happiness as he held her close to his body revelling in his new found knowledge that it hadn't been a dream, an illusion nor a trick. She real, she was right there. She was right there in his arms, in his room, in his loft. She was there. She was right there.

He shut his eyes tight as he held her, his heart racing with emotion as a million different feelings swept through him at once. Happiness, relief, anger, uncertainty. He didn't know what to think or what to feel, so he didn't – feel anything, think anything. He just was… He just held her.

After what seemed like hours he pulled away, his hands sliding from her back to grip her arms, squeezing softly as he reassured himself – yes, she was real. He looked at her to see her eyes were glossy and a shy smile played on her lips because like him, she didn't know what to feel. She was absolutely terrified, but unbelievably happy. She just….didn't know.

She stared into his eyes before asking uncertainly, "Rick? Are you okay?"

He shook his head and gave a little laugh, "I have no idea - absolutely no idea. I just…" he trailed off as the smile disappeared and he looked at her sadly.

She mirrored his expression, "I'm sorry", she whispered. "I can explain". She offered as she moved her right hand to his cheek, stroking his stubble covered skin.

He sighed. "I just…I don't know what to do right now. It's just, well it's a lot to take in, so…"

He was panicking now and she could feel it. His relief was being swallowed whole by his uncertainty and she was losing him. Maybe he needed some time to process.

"Castle, I can leave if you want me too. It's okay. If you need time and space I can give it to you. I just need to know."

She let her hand fall from his cheek as she began to move from her position, but Rick, still holding onto her arms, tightened his grip slightly.

"No." He said strongly. "I don't want you to leave."

His tone was dead serious, so she settled back in her previous place, her eyes on his. "What do you want me to do?" She pleaded. She needed to make this right.

He considered her for a moment. She looked tired, sad, thin, defeated. But most importantly she was alive, she was real. He swallowed before saying. "Stay." He said, "I want you to stay because if you leave now I'll convince myself that you aren't coming back. I'll convince myself that I was right when I opened the door last night, that you weren't real. I don't want to feel that way again. I need you to stay. Please."

She bit down on her lip as tears fell down her cheeks and he whispered in her ear, "Just let me hold you".

He wrapped his arms around her and let them fall so they were lying down like they had been when they were asleep. Right then, right there, he didn't need an explanation – he just needed her, her body, her heartbeat. He just needed to be certain that she was alive and that was all he cared about.

After a few minutes they fell asleep again, their bodies entwined. At that moment they had not a care in the world, not a trouble to rid of their soft smiles nor a tear to cry. For right then and there, all was forgotten – the pain, the grief, the time they had spent a part just melted away.

**So...what did you think? Let me know...hit REVIEW! (BTW...If you guys would like individual reply's to your reviews, just let me know and i would be more than happy to do it) ;) I just want you to know how much i appreciate it, so THANKYOU!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thankyou for the wonderful response for the last chapter! It was amazing :)**

A couple of hours later they awoke yet again in each other's arms. She had her back pressed closely to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around her. He was at a loss as to what to think or feel so he just laid there, brushing his fingers softly over her smooth skin with one hand and feeling her stomach move up and down as she breathed with the other. He could feel her warmth and smell her hair. She was where she belonged - in his arms, in his bed, in his loft. Everything felt so right, but it wasn't. If only they could just forget what had happened.

She laid against him with her eyes closed, tears forming behind her delicate lids. Why was this so hard? She could feel him grazing his fingers across her skin and the warmth of his body against hers. She wanted to smile, to laugh – but she just couldn't, not after everything that had happened. She was scared and tired and didn't want to lose him. Three months ago she never thought that she would be back there, in his arms, in his bed, in his loft. She had to tell him what happened, explain everything so that he could move on, so she could move on. She wanted his forgiveness and understanding, but most of all she just wanted to continue on with her life, with their life. But for now he was being dismissive, not facing the problem head on but instead he was ignoring it. She knew her turning up at his doorstep out of the blue was a big thing to comprehend, but she needed to talk to him. She just needed him.

"Castle?" She questioned quietly as she felt his hands tighten further around her. She didn't want to do this. She just wanted to stay as they were forever.

"Yeah?" He replied softly.

She breathed in and out deeply, her blinking sending silent tears down her cheeks before she whispered, "We need to talk Castle. I need to explain". Her voice was a plea and he could hear it dripping from every word. He could hear her desperation, her inner turmoil to release all that had kept them apart these last three months.

He nuzzled his head into her neck, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. All this time he had wondered what had happened but then she turned up at his doorstep and for a while he just didn't care. Now his curiosity had returned but it came accompanied by fear and hesitation. Did he really want to know?

"Castle?" She repeated, her voice shaky with tears as she rolled over in his arms so she was facing him. His arms stayed locked around her and his eyes opened to meet her tear filled ones. "Please talk to me". Her voice was so quiet and desperate.

He sighed as his curiosity won. He wiped away her stray tears as he asked, "What happened that night?"

She watched as grief filled his eyes as his question about 'that night' brought painful memories back to his mind. She swallowed, biting her lip before beginning her much needed explanation. "I woke up and I went to the kitchen to get some water. I turned the light on and as soon as I did someone covered my mouth with their hand to stifle my scream and they had their arm around my waist. It was Mr Smith." She watched as Castle's eyes widened. "Maddox had found him and shot him. Somehow he managed to escape and he came looking for me. He told me that I had to leave, that Maddox said that he was going to kill me." She paused, watching Castle's face closely, but he gave nothing away. She had no idea what he was thinking so she just breathed in and continued. "The last thing I wanted to do was go with him. But then I thought of you, asleep and peaceful and how you would do anything to protect me. I couldn't let that happen. If I stayed Maddox would have killed me and anyone who got in his way. I didn't have a choice. I couldn't lose you Rick. I couldn't be so selfish to risk your life after I had so willingly almost thrown my own away. I just wanted it to be over. Smith said that he could finish it, he just needed some time. So I agreed to go with him. I asked him what I needed to do and he said that I should make it look like I was already dead so Maddox wouldn't come after you." She looked away from him as her hand brushed subconsciously over the large scar on her forearm. "He handed me a knife, but I couldn't do it, so… he did. And then we left."

"The blood". He whispered as he noticed the scar on her arm. He released one of his arms from around her to take her forearm in his grip, gliding his finger down the dark pink line. "There was so much blood". He looked at her, his face grave and eyes red. "I can still smell it everywhere I go."

She placed her palm on his cheek. "I'm so sorry Rick."

"You could have stayed."

She shook her head, tears falling. "No, I couldn't have and you know it. We would all be dead."

"I thought you were." He looked away from her.

"I know. I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make this easier. I didn't want to leave. I had finished with all of that. But there was too much at stake. I went too far and I had to bear the consequences. I had to make it right, make it safe."

He looked back to her as realization dawned on him. "You came back. You got Maddox?"

She smiled sadly at him nodding. "We got Maddox and we got who he was working for. Turns out the FBI had been trying to pin him as well so they protected Smith and me while they got all of the evidence together." He gave her a look of disbelief. "It's over Castle. It's finally over." He breathed out, not realising that he had been holding his breath, a small smile forming on his lips. "It's over".

They had lain in his bed just staring at each other for a while before he suggested breakfast after his stomach had grumbled audibly. He had completely forgotten about food after all that had happened, his hunger just not registering through his emotional turmoil. He was still unsure of what to think and what to feel. He was completely relieved that it was all over and that she was alive but he couldn't just erase the three months he had spent grieving her, convinced she was dead. But for now she was right there, alive, real, breathing, walking, talking….just there. It made him happy so he focused on the fact that she was alive. However, every now and then his mind strayed and he began to doubt himself. And every time this happened he would reach out to touch her or hold her that bit tighter, just to reassure himself.

Kate quickly understood his constant need for assurance as while they waited for eggs to cook and toast to pop he would grab her hand or pull her close. She never pulled away nor said anything about his constant need for contact. She knew that she had to let him work through it so that they could both heal.

They hardly spoke while they cooked and ate. Partly because they didn't know what to say but mostly because they were just happy to be in each other's company after so long. Their emotions had finally lowered from breaking point allowing them to revel in a sense of unfamiliar serenity as they let everything go though they were completely aware there would be more to come.

They were taking their dishes over to the sink when Kate said softly, "I should go Castle." He looked at her, eyes wide and fear creeping into them. "I haven't been home yet and I have so much that I have to do."

"You haven't been to your apartment?" He asked quietly.

She shook her head. "I was only allowed to go yesterday afternoon so I went straight to my dad's and then I came here."

"How did your dad take it?"

She smiled sadly. "Hard at first. When he opened the door he couldn't believe it, but then, before I knew it he was hugging me so tightly I couldn't breathe. He was so relieved and happy." She sighed. "Now I just have to tell Ryan, Esposito and Lanie."

He looked at her defeated expression before she met his eyes and said again, "I should go. Thanks for breakfast and for everything. I can't tell you how sorry I am about all of this".

She began to walk to the door, her imminent absence finally sinking into his mind. "Wait!" She turned around. "Let me come with you. Please. You can't just leave again."

"But Castle, I'm just going to my apartment. I can come back."

"I know, but please. I just…" He looked away from her. He couldn't explain it. He needed to be with her - to be able to reach out and touch her. He had to be sure that she wasn't leaving again."Please, Kate." He was begging now.

She nodded slowly, understanding that he needed her close. She knew he wasn't completely convinced she was real yet. "Well, how about you shower and change and then we can go to my place okay?"

He smiled, relieved at the fact she had agreed before walking towards her and pulling her into his arms, holding her tight.

"Thank you". He whispered in her ear before releasing her and walking towards his room.

She smiled as she walked to his couch and sat down. Everything was going to be okay.

**SO what are your thoughts? :) Let me know...hit REVIEW! :D**


	10. Chapter 10

**ALRIGHT! Here we go..chapter 10. Sorry it has been a couple of days since my last update. THANKS again for the lovely reviews. I just want you to know how much i appreciate them :D**

**So without futher ado...**

His hand rarely left hers as they rode in a cab to her apartment. She sighed as she opened the door and glanced around. It was exactly how she left it. Not that she was surprised; it was just that everything else had changed while she was gone. It was comforting in a way. She smiled softly before turning to face Castle, their fingers entwined.

"I'm going to take a shower. Make yourself at home. There's no food in the fridge, but the TV should work."

He smiled at her. "I'm sure I'll find something."

She looked down shyly at their joined hands before turning and walking to her room, reluctantly releasing her grip on him. He watched her walk away as a sudden sadness swept threw him. She was leaving – again. He knew she was only a room away but he hated even a small distance between them. He sighed defeated and walked over to her couch, falling on it, his eyes closing. His heart began to race at the mere thought of her leaving again and panic set in. He couldn't help it. It had been three months. Three long months that he was convinced she was dead – not just missing, dead. He just didn't completely believe it quite yet. He was cautiously happy, slowly convincing himself that she was real, alive, within arm's length of him, well most of the time. He lay down along the couch and breathed in and out deeply in an attempt to relax.

He was awoken from his reverie by a soft voice. "Castle? You okay?"

He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was her. He couldn't help but smile. "Yeah."

She smiled back shyly as he sat up and noted her damp hair and change of clothes.

"Feel better?" He asked her as she sat next to him.

"Yeah, I do." She replied honestly. "Do you?"

They both knew what she was asking. He looked up at her to find her eyes locked on him showing both her desperation and fear toward knowing his answer.

"Sometimes, yes ...Sometimes, no." He admitted. "I just can't seem to shake the feeling that this isn't real and I'm just going to wake up at my desk holding a bottle of scotch. I can't help but remember all those hours I stared at my phone, begging for it to ring, begging for some news, a lead, anything. But no one ever called with what I wanted to hear. At first we tried to convince ourselves that you were okay and that we would find you but…" he sucked in breath, his eyes glazed with tears at the memory. "as time went on it was so hard Kate. It was so hard to convince ourselves and each other that you were still alive, that you weren't lying in a ditch somewhere or dumped in a lake. As the days went on Lanie and the boys just fell apart, they tried to hide it, but you can't hide grief like that. You can't just pretend like everything is okay when someone that you love has been missing for so long. After a while I couldn't take it anymore. I just stopped going to the precinct altogether. I was so tired of hearing that they had nothing. I just stayed home all day begging myself to forget you."

They were both silent for a moment. Castle was looking down at his feet, tears streaked across his face. Kate was doing the same, tears falling silently from her pale cheeks.

"You wanted to know if I feel better. Most of the time I don't know. I just…I don't know."

She looked at him sadly before placing a hand on his cheek and tilting his head to look at her.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I didn't mean for it to go like this. I didn't want you guys to have to go through it. It was my mistake but you had to bear the consequences and I'm so sorry Castle. If there is anything I can do just tell me please. I want to help. I need to make this right."

"Just don't leave."

His request was simple and honest and his eyes were full of desperation. Her heart ached at the pain she had caused him. She wiped his stray tears with her fingers before pulling him into a hug which he immediately responded to, wrapping his arms tightly around her back.

"I promise Castle. I'm not going anywhere."

A couple of hours later they were back at Castle's loft eating lunch. He had convinced her to come back with him, not that she needed much convincing. She caved immediately because she still felt guilty but mostly it was because she just wanted to stay with him. They were sitting on his lounge, sides touching - a welcome reassurance for both of them.

She was lifting her fork to her mouth when she abruptly stilled, fear clouding her eyes. Castle noticed, a concerned expression on his face, "Kate?" Her eyes flicked to his noting the worry in his voice, "Are you okay?"

She put her fork down. "Yeah." She assured him not very convincingly. "I just remembered that I need to talk to Lanie and the boys at some point." She looked back up at him, fear still evident in her eyes.

He put his plate down and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her against him. Her head fell to his shoulder as he laid them back against the lounge. "If you want I could call them and get them to come over tonight. I could help you explain everything to them."

"Castle, you don't have to…"

"No Kate, I want to help. We have all come out of this a little broken, but the point is that you're alive and safe and…and now we can all heal."

She kissed his cheek softly. "Thank you Castle."

It was 6:55pm and Kate was pacing in his study, heart racing, face pale. She kept fidgeting with her hands, biting her nails, crossing her arms – she just didn't know what to do. Castle walked into the study for the millionth time since she had begun her hide out in there. He had watched her as her nerves built, his own heightening in anticipation of what would happen. He had called Ryan, Esposito and Lanie earlier and asked them to meet him at his loft at 7:00pm. They had all agreed of course, but their voices gave away their prevailing sadness. It was heartbreaking for him to hear it especially because he knew that Kate was alive. He just wanted to tell them, but he couldn't. Everything had to be done right.

He watched her pacing and constantly moving arms before walking over to her and grabbing her, stopping her in her stride.

"Hey." He whispered. "Relax, okay." He was being a hypocrite he knew, after all he was far from relaxed. "It'll be alright, Kate. You just have to remember that it may take some time for them to understand okay. But I'm here." He wrapped his arms around her and she melted into his embrace. How did she deserve him?

There was a knock on the door and he pulled back. "You ready?" She shook her head and he smiled before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

She leant her back on the door, taking deep breaths as she heard the voices of her friends. Tears immediately filled her eyes and all she wanted to do was run out to them and hold them tight. But instead she wiped her eyes and willed herself to calm. She would see them again soon.

Castle felt nervous as he lead Lanie, Ryan and Esposito into his dining room, motioning for them to take a seat. His heart was racing as he offered them drinks which they declined. He sat at the head of the table and studied each of their faces for a moment. Lanie, who sat on his left, looked as though she hadn't slept in weeks and would burst into tears at any moment. Esposito, who sat beside her, looked as though he would put a bullet through anyone who would mess with him. Ryan, who sat on his right, looked older. His features had darkened and his once cheerful expression had been replaced with a haunted and absent one. His heart clenched as the weight of what he was about to do fell on him like a tonne of bricks. They were about to find out that Kate was alive, that all of their suffering could end – but at a price. Would they forgive her? Hell, he hadn't. He was barely able to stand most of the time. The only reason that he was still on his feet was the one thought that made him happier than he had ever been. She was alive. That was all that mattered. If he didn't hold onto that, he would crumble. He just hoped that they could think the same and focus on the fact that she was safe and well.

"So Castle, why did you want us to meet you?" Ryan asked, trying to put on a brave face.

Castle breathed in and out deeply before starting. "There is something that you have to know. It's going to be hard to comprehend at first and it's going to be like you got hit by a truck, but you have to let everything go and just don't be angry."

"Castle what's going on? You're scaring me." Lanie's eyes were wide and fear was woven through her face.

Castle looked into her eyes. "It's okay, Lanie." He looked at all of them. "Well, here it goes…" his heart thudded loudly in his chest. "Kate is alive."

Sharp gasps filled the air as tears filled eyes. "What?" Lanie whispered before saying angrily. "This better not be a joke, so help me God…"

"No Lanie, it's not a joke. Kate is alive and safe and here." He got up and walked to his office and opened the door, the others watching him in a terrified panic.

Castle looked inside his office to find her standing on one side of the door a frightened expression on her face. Nodding, he grabbed her hand and led her out for them all to see.

Ryan and Esposito sat petrified in their chairs, faces draining of colour. Lanie on the other hand began to sob yelling, "No, no, no, no, no." She was shaking her head as tears raced down her cheeks. "No, no. God, no, no."

Upon seeing her best friend's response, Kate quickly left Castle side, falling to her knees beside Lanie and taking her hands in hers, but Lanie pulled away and stood up.

"Lanie it's me" Kate whispered desperately, standing up and walking to her friend. "Lanie, I'm okay."

"No, Kate. No." Lanie looked into her eyes. "You can't do this! You're dead. You were gone. I saw the blood."

Kate took hold of her arms tightly, "Lanie, I'm okay. It's me."

Lanie looked into her friend's eyes before hugging her tightly. "Oh my god, oh my god. Kate." She was sobbing, her body shaking causing Kate to do the same. "Oh my god, you're okay. You're alive. Thank God."

She stroked Lanie's hair. "It's okay, I'm okay."

After a while Lanie pulled back slowly, wiping her eyes, Kate doing the same before she glanced at Ryan and Esposito who had stood up at some point and were staring at her like she was ghost.

Suddenly Ryan's face broke into a smile as he walked quickly to her and pulled her into a hug of his own. "Thank God Beckett. You're alive."

She hugged him back before he let go, his eyes remaining on her like she would disappear at any moment.

Kate looked at Esposito. His expression held that of anger and his eyes were filled with tears.

"Espo…"

"WHAT THE HELL BECKETT?" he yelled at her.

"Espo…" She tried again, but he cut her off.

"WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! AND NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU'RE BACK!" He tore his eyes off of her as tears spilled down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry Javi. I can explain. I'm sorry."

He looked back at her and she could see his anger slowly melt as he stepped toward her and embraced her. "You better not do that again." He threatened before he let go and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

They all stood now in a circle around her, staring at her in disbelief before Ryan finally broke the silence. "What happened Beckett?"

**So what are your thoughts? I would LOVE to hear them. Just hit REVIEW ;)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thankyou kindly for the lovely reviews/fabourites/followers once again. 3 You guys really make me want to continue writing. :) THANKS!**

They were all seated in the living room. Though the lounges were extremely comfortable none of them were able to relax. Their hearts were still pounding and their eyes followed Beckett's every move as though she would simply disappear if they took their uncertain gaze from her. She sat uneasily. She could feel their eyes on her as they tried to decide whether they were dreaming or not. She could feel them all thinking, their minds racing in an attempt to comprehend the fact that she was alive.

She sighed quietly before beginning her explanation of what had happened. They all listened, eyes wide and mouths open – even Castle who was hearing it for the second time strained his ears to hear every word she spoke. She talked calmly and even when tears filled her eyes, her voice never wavered. She knew she just had to get through this. She had to explain what happened if she ever wanted things to go back to normal.

She felt like she had been talking for hours when she finally told them that the FBI had caught the people responsible. Everything was finished, she though, yet somehow it didn't feel like a victory to her.

She breathed in and out deeply before glancing around at their faces, trying to gauge their reactions. They were all still staring at her, faces blank and pale, eyes large. They were going over everything she had said in their minds, attempting to make sense of it and making sure that everything added up.

Lanie spoke first in a tired whispered. "So it's all over then."

Castle shut his front door after him and Beckett had exchanged goodbyes with Ryan, Esposito and Lanie. They had talked over everything together after Beckett's explanation and the atmosphere eased the longer they discussed.

Castle sighed heavily and leant his back against the door, looking at Beckett with a soft smile. "That went well."

She laughed quietly. "Yeah, it did." She smiled. Everything was going to be okay. "Thank you Castle."

He took a step towards her, a glint in his eyes. "Always."

She smiled at him before looking at her watch to discover that it was after 10. "It's getting late Castle, I should go."

His smile immediately fell at her words and his eyes flashed with fear. She saw his expression change so she quickly tried to reassure him. "I'm just going to my apartment Castle, I promise. I can come back tomorrow if you want."

He knew she was telling the truth but he just couldn't be sure at that moment. Too much had happened and he just couldn't let it all go quite yet. "Kate…" he didn't know what to say without giving her the impression that he didn't trust her because he did, didn't he? God, he didn't know. Ever since she came back he didn't know if he was angry or happy, hungry or thirsty. He wanted to be furious with her, yell and scream some more but he couldn't. He didn't know what they even were anymore. Were they even still together? Technically they never broke up, but he just didn't know nor did he have the energy to discuss everything let alone bring it all up right then and there. Maybe tomorrow they would talk about it. But right now the only thing he could say was. "Please stay."

She studied him for a moment, her eyes skimming over his tired and desperate eyes and serious expression. "Castle, I…" She didn't even know what to say. She didn't know how to act, how to be. She wanted him so bad. She wanted to go back to the way things were. They were together and happy and were becoming a family. She finally had it all only to have it all fall apart. Now all she wanted to ask was if they were still together, if they still had a chance. But she just couldn't. She didn't want to push him further than she already had even though she just wanted him. "Castle, I don't want to disturb you and what about Martha and…" realization hit her, "Wait, where are Martha and Alexis?"

"They went to the Hamptons." He replied, his eyes on hers. "They needed… a break."

"Rick… Why are they really there?"

He glanced down and sighed before looking back at her. "I suggested that they should go away. Alexis wasn't doing so well with you…gone, my mother was worried about both of us and I was having a hard time putting on a brave face." He paused for a moment as memories flooded back to his mind. "Alexis was okay at first. She convinced herself that we would find you safe and sound, but then as time went on, like the rest of us, she found it more and more difficult to hold onto hope. She would be fine most days but every now and then I'd find her crying in her room and my heart just…broke. My mother, being the whirlwind that she is, just seemed to gain speed. She was always cleaning and cooking, just keeping busy. She was constantly checking on Alexis and me I forgot to ask how she was doing."

"Rick. I'm so sorry." She had tears in her eyes. "Have you told them yet?"

He shook his head. "No. They will be back in a couple days. I would prefer to tell them in person than over the phone. It might make it easier if I'm with them."

She nodded, blinking away tears. She was so scared of how they would react. The last thing she wanted was for them to hate her. She loved Martha and Alexis so much and their anger would probably push Castle away as well.

"I should go." She whispered, not looking at him.

"Kate." His voice was desperate. "Please, just stay. Please." His eyes filled with tears. "You promised that you wouldn't leave again. Don't make me beg."

Their eyes were locked, both glistening with tears. She had promised him she wouldn't leave and, if truth be told, the last thing she wanted to do was go to her empty apartment.

She nodded, "Okay, I'll stay."

He smiled at her as soon as the words left her lips and she couldn't help but smile in return.

About half an hour later they had both showered, separately, and were lying in Castle's bed. Beckett had been a little surprised but incredibly happy to discover that Castle had kept all the clothes that she had left there in the time that they had been together. She was in her own clothes in his bed. She felt at home, finally.

The light was off and they were far apart on the mattress, breathing slowly.

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"I just want you to know that I don't know exactly how I…feel about anything yet. I'm still a little confused and overwhelmed and…I just…"

"It's okay Rick. I understand that this is hard to process so you just take your time and we'll figure it out."

There was silence for a moment before Castle spoke again his voice choked with tears. "I'm so happy you're alive."

Beckett moved closer to him to stroke his cheek with her fingers. He moved closer also, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her to his chest, her head burying into his neck. She could feel his warm body against hers and hear his heart beat as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

**hmmm...THOUGHTS? You know what to do ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

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It had been three days since she showed up on Castle's doorstep with fear in her eyes and a pounding heart. She had stayed at the loft the whole time, Castle's hand constantly grabbing hers, insisting that she not leave. She had rarely left his side, not that she minded, but she was worried that he wasn't past the shock yet and she was out of ideas to help him. But right now she stood outside Lanie's door knocking softly. Her thoughts momentarily left Rick when her friend opened the door with a big smile.

"Hey! How did you manage to escape?"

Kate matched her friends smile. "It was hard, but he was having the whole argument with himself anyway because he knew it would be easier to tell Alexis and Martha without me there, but he didn't want me to leave, so yeah. He has pretty much been talking to himself the whole morning."

Lanie led Kate into her kitchen and opened the fridge. "So Alexis and Martha are coming back today?" Kate nodded as Lanie pulled a bottle from a shelf. "Wine?"

"Please." Kate answered.

"Are you worried? And don't even think about lying to me girl."

"A little." She shrugged, her eyes meeting Lanie's glare. "Okay, fine. A lot." She watched as Lanie poured the wine and handed her one. "Thanks." They walked into the lounge room and sat down on the coach as Kate studied Lanie for a moment. She seemed much better, more at ease, less tired. It made her relieved, but she had to be sure. "How are you?" She asked seriously before adding, "And don't even think about lying to me." She smiled then took a sip of wine.

"I'm okay, I guess." Lanie paused, her eyes on Kate's. "I'm not quite sure yet, but damn I'm relieved girl. I was finally able to get some real sleep. I guess it's going to take a little time to adjust, but to be honest, I couldn't be happier. You're safe, you're here and that's all that matters."

Kate could feel tears in her eyes, but quickly blinked them away. "Thanks Lanie. I want you to know that I really am sorry."

"I know, but it's over now Kate and hopefully everything will return to normal." She took a sip of wine and swallowed quickly as a thought popped into her head. "Speaking of normal, what's going on with you and Castle?"

Kate sighed. "I don't know."

"Well are you still together?"

"I don't know Lanie. I mean it's not like we broke up, but I don't know what he wants. I've been staying with him for the past three days and he has been practically glued to my side but he doesn't want to talk. He keeps on touching me and taking my hand to make sure that I'm not a ghost, but that's all and I'm afraid to ask what we are or what he wants. What if he doesn't want anything?"

"Kate Beckett, do not think for a second that he doesn't still want you. The guy is crazy about you, he loves you. He just needs some time to make sure that you're not going anywhere. The guy has been on edge for three months and then you show up out of nowhere alive and well, I'm surprised he hasn't cuffed you to him." Kate smiles at this, remembering when that actually happened. "The point is, he went to hell and back while you were gone and now he has you back there is no way he is going to let you go."

"I hope you're right."

"Girl, I'm always right." She smiled and took her friends hand. "It's going to be okay Kate. I promise."

Castle paced the kitchen nervously as he waited for his mother and daughter to arrive home. Kate had only been gone half an hour and his mind was frantic with worry. She only went to Lanie's, he kept telling himself, she will be back. He ran his hands through his hair and over his face as he heard the door open and close followed by, "Dad?" "Richard?"

He smiled when he saw their arms full of luggage and happy grins on their faces. He immediately walked over to them, pulling Alexis into a hug and kissing his mom on the cheek. "So how was the trip? Did you wear sunscreen, a hat, sunglasses and a long sleeve shirt every time you went into the sun?"

"It was good." Alexis said, dropping her luggage and walking with her father to the kitchen.

"You got that right darling!" Martha echoed, following them and making herself comfortable on a stool. "The sun, the beach, the half-naked men, just what the doctor ordered."

Rick turned to Alexis. "Please tell me you didn't go to her doctor?"

Alexis just smiled and sat next to her grandmother her eyes on her father. "So what did you get up to?" She asked casually.

Martha's expression turned serious as it became apparent that they weren't holidaying anymore, it was back to the real world, the one where Kate was missing and her son was falling apart.

"Not much." He answered honestly because he hadn't really been doing anything. "But there is something really important that I have to tell both of you."

Martha and Alexis looked at each other, worry evident on their faces as panic swept through their bodies.

"What is it Richard?" Martha asked.

"Yeah dad, is everything okay?" Alexis tried to keep her voice steady as her heart pounded in her chest.

Rick looked at them both for a moment before taking a deep breath, you can do it, he thought, you have to do it. "It's good news." He tried to reassure them, but the air remained tense. "I just need you both to stay calm, okay? Because it is a lot to take in."

Hours later Kate arrived at Castle's door, a smile on her face. Her time with Lanie had been a long time coming and she was overjoyed by the fact that her best friend seemed to be okay with everything. She sighed happily as she opened the door and walked in closing the door behind her. She walked into the living room and suddenly felt arms tighten around her. She jumped, her heart thudding in her chest before she looked down slightly to see beautiful red hair that she knew so well. She tightened her arms around Alexis as tears welled in her eyes. Alexis had her head on Kate's chest, her tears streaming down her cheeks. Kate stroked her hair as she looked up to see Castle and Martha walking into the room. Martha stopped when she saw Kate, her mouth widening in shock and relief before walking over to join in on the hug.

"Oh my God! Kate, darling!"

"Hi Martha." She replied shyly before looking up at Rick to see him smiling.

Martha pulled back and stared at her, eyes wide, but a smile gracing her lips. It was rare that Martha was at a loss for words. Alexis pulled back, but kept a hold on Kate's arms, her eyes red and tears on her delicate cheeks. Kate carefully wiped them away with her finger, looking into the younger girls eyes. "Hey Alexis, it's so good to see you." She smiled softly before Alexis hugged her again, her grip tight, but comforting. "I'm so glad you're okay." She whispered through her tears. "I missed you."

That was all it took for Kate's tears to finally fall. "I missed you too. So, so much." She kissed Alexis' head. "I'm so sorry."

Alexis pulled back again, keeping an arm around Kate, like everyone else, she was afraid that she would disappear.

Rick moved closer to them, tears in his eyes. He cleared his throat. "Why don't we all make something to eat?" he suggested, his memory flicking back to the numerous times they had spent together in the kitchen music loud, singing and dancing without a care in the world.

They all nodded, realising how hungry they were and walked into the kitchen. Rick opened the fridge, a smile on his face. "So…" he began, "what do you feel like?"

He looked from his mother, to daughter then to Kate.

"How about pizza?" Alexis suggested looking at the others.

"Sounds good." Kate agreed.

Martha nodded before announcing in her show voice, "I'll go put some music on!" Martha danced from the kitchen and moments later the steady beat of 'Pinna Coladas' could be heard growing slowly louder and louder. Rick pulled things from the fridge in time to the music as the lyrics began and Alexis and Kate began to sing before they were joined by Martha. When the chorus came they were all laughing as they danced around the kitchen, cutting up ingredients. Martha, encouraged by the song, decided to make Pinna Coladas and soon they were all sitting down eating and drinking just like they did so many times before Kate was forced to become a ghost.


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, things just get hectic sometimes! Thankyou so much for your patience and your lovely reviews for the last chapter :)**

It was 2:46am and Kate sat on a stool in the kitchen after reluctantly leaving the warm confines of Castle's bed and arms. The light she had turned on cast shadows around her as she ran her fingers absently down the full glass of water she had poured herself at least an hour ago. Her mind was too awake for her to sleep. She just couldn't stop thinking about anything and everything. She hated staying at Castle's without knowing what they were or where they were going. She hated that he was keeping her there, begging her not to leave. He would look at her with sad eyes every time she suggested even going outside and she would give in to him, every single time. But, God, she didn't want to leave. It felt so good to be back under the same roof as him, to have his arms around her tightly while she slept, but at that moment she felt like they might as well be miles away. She was scared that he was just keeping her here until it all sank in and that one day he would wake up and not fight her when she says she should go. She felt tears well in her eyes at this thought. What if he had moved on? What if he didn't love her anymore?

She pushed the glass away from her and rested her elbow on the bench, her head in her hands. She fought the urge to run, to cry out. To leave before she was left, but she couldn't do that to him again. This time she would let him decide. It was only fair. She didn't come back to make things worse, yet she had to admit that she was naïve to think that things would go back to how they were. She had become filled with desperation while she had been away. Her mind had beaten the loneliness with fantasies about her return and at some point she had believed them. She had convinced herself that he would take her back, no question. She never thought that she would be his willingly confined prisoner, just waiting for the tables to turn, waiting for when he set her free. But life without him, without Martha and Alexis – that was no freedom.

She ran her hands through her hair as she heard a soft thud from upstairs. She sat up straight, adrenalin seeping through her veins. There was another, a little louder this time. She stood up quietly and walked over to the stairs, taking one at a time in the semi darkness until she reached the landing. Her eyes glanced around and upon seeing light from the cracks in Alexis' bedroom door sighed with relief. She walked over to it slowly and knocked lightly.

"Alexis, are you okay?" She whispered through the door.

After a moment the door opened to reveal Alexis, her eyes tired, red and puffy. Tears tracks stained her pale cheeks and Kate's heart immediately broke at the sight of her. She reached out to Alexis, pulling her into a hug and stroking her hair as the young girl began to sob. Kate shut the door quietly and walked over to the bed still cradling the crying girl.

"It's okay." She whispered, tears in her own eyes. She kissed Alexis' head. "It's okay."

Alexis slowly calmed down, her head on Kate's chest. She carefully pulled back, Kate's arm still tight around her.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"It's fine, sweetie." Kate reassured her. "I was just in the kitchen and I heard a noise so I thought I should check it out." She stroked Alexis' hair, smiling softly. "What were you doing?"

Alexis shifted her gaze from Kate to her open wardrobe. "I was trying to get a photo album out, but I couldn't reach it."

"I can get it for you." Kate offered before getting up and walking over to the wardrobe. "Where is it?" She asked turning to the young girl.

Alexis got up and joined her, pointing at a shelf. "That one. It's light blue."

Kate nodded before looking up at the shelf. After a while she spotted it and reached to get it on tiptoes. She felt her hand come into contact with it and pulled lightly. "Got it." She smiled as she gave it to Alexis.

"Thanks."

Alexis walked back to the bed and sat down. Kate watched her curiously before asking softly. "So what are you doing awake so late looking for a photo album anyway?" She sat next to Alexis.

"I couldn't sleep." She admitted sadly.

"Am I the reason for that?" Alexis nodded, her eyes down. "I'm so sorry Alexis. I really didn't want it to go like this. I didn't want to hurt anyone."

"I know." Alexis whispered, looking into Kate's eyes. "I'm really happy you're back. I missed you so much."

Kate pulled Alexis into another hug. "I missed you so much too."

After a while she let go and cleared her throat. "So what's in the album?" She asked.

Alexis looked down at the light blue album in her hands and opened the cover, turning it so Kate and herself could see. "I started this album after you and dad got together."

Kate looked at the smiling faces in the pictures and she couldn't help but smile back. Alexis, Rick, Martha, her – all laughing. One of her and Rick. One of Alexis and Martha. Alexis turned the page.

"After you disappeared I looked at it every night for a month, but then it got harder to see you every day without actually seeing _you_." Alexis turned the page again. "So I put it up in my wardrobe and haven't looked at it since." She paused, her eyes glued to a photo of her and Kate snuggled on the couch, fast asleep. "But you're back now and I just had to look at it again. To remember how things were before, I guess." Alexis looked up at Kate, her eyes hopeful. "Are you and dad still together?" She asked shyly, but desperate for an answer.

Kate sighed before admitting, "I don't know Alexis. I would really like us to be, if that's still okay with you?"

Alexis looked horrified for a moment. "Of course it's okay with me!"

Kate smiled at her. "But it's up to your dad. We haven't talked about it. I think he is still in shock. So I don't know."

"Don't be worried Kate." Alexis said after seeing the fear in the older woman's eyes. "He loves you so much. But maybe you should talk to him. Maybe he doesn't want to push you." Alexis looked at Kate her eyes desperate. "Just, please talk to him? For me?"

Kate laughed softly at the cheeky expression on the younger girl. "Okay, I will. Just for you." Kate yawned. "I should go back to bed. You too, missy. It's late."

Kate started to get off the bed but was stopped by a hand pulling hers. "Could you stay?"Alexis whispered timidly. "It would help me sleep."

Kate nodded as a smile crept to her lips. "Okay, I'll stay."

Alexis put the album on the bedside table and climbed under the overs, lifting them for Kate to get in. They snuggled together tightly as Alexis reached for the remote to turn off the light.

Kate kissed the young girls head softly before finally drifting off to sleep.

**Thoughts? Hit review ;)**


	14. Chapter 14

**OH MY GOSH! LOOK! IT'S ANOTHER CHAPTER! :D **

**SORRY AGAIN FOR THE UPDATE DELAY AND MASSIVE THANKS TO ALL READING/REVIEWING/ENJOYING! :)**

He woke to the sound of laughter coming from the kitchen. He smiled with his eyes still closed and reached over instinctively to feel for Kate, but found the other side of the bed empty. His eyes immediately opened and he scurried out of bed, still half asleep, pulling on clothes before walking out into the lounge room. His eyes blinked against the bright sun coming from the windows and he yawned noisily alerting the kitchen's occupants to his presence.

"Morning Dad!" Said Alexis cheerfully.

"Morning Rick." Kate echoed.

Alexis and Kate were sitting side by side on the bar stools as Castle finally made it to the kitchen.

"Hey what smells so good?" He asked, kissing his daughter lightly on the head.

"We made breakfast." Answered Alexis. "Eggs, bacon, pancakes."

"Sounds good. I can't wait to see what's for lunch." He said with a smile as he got a plate out of the cupboard and loaded it up.

"Doesn't look like you'll need lunch dad." Alexis laughed.

Rick stood across from them on the bench his eyes momentarily resting on Kate before turning to his daughter. "So what plans do you have for today?"

"Well Grams and I are going to a play tonight and we need a new dress for the occasion, of course."

"Of course. So in other words you and my mother are going shopping and want my credit card?" Alexis smiled innocently. "Fine. But I'm giving you the one with the lowest limit. I could buy the whole moon with the money your grandmother spends."

"Darling, don't be ridiculous! I am a very smart shopper." Martha retorted as she descended the stairs. "Is it really a crime to do a bit of retail therapy every now and again?"

"You can't put a price on beauty dad." Alexis teased as she got up to get her dad's wallet and pulled one of his cards from its confines.

"But you're already beautiful, you get it free." He argued.

Alexis kissed his cheek, "Love you dad."

"Goodbye Richard, bye Kate darling." Martha sang over her shoulder as she opened the front door and disappeared out of it, followed by Alexis.

Castle shook his head as soon as the door closed. "I'm going to have to write another book, aren't I?" He smiled at Kate. "Do you want some more coffee?" He asked, noticing her empty cup and his lack of one.

She smiled back and nodded. "Please."

The day had been completely uneventful for Kate. Usually she loved nothing more than to hang out at the loft with Rick, but since she had been back she could hardly stand it. They were in the same room yet they might as well be worlds apart. She had no idea what he was thinking or where their relationship was going. He would stroke her hair, her arm, her cheek. He would smile at her and talk to her. But…something was wrong. She didn't know what but something was off and it was eating at her, adding to her anxiety. They weren't them anymore. She hated to admit it, but it was true. They were lost somewhere and were struggling to find their way back.

She was scared. Scared that she would lose him after all they had been through, after all they had done. She loved him with all her heart but now she wasn't sure if he still loved her. She watched him for a moment as he read a book on the lounge, face relaxed. Her eyes filled with tears as she thought, I can't do this anymore.

Rick was in the shower as Kate sad on his bed and looked down at the messed collection of blankets and sheets and couldn't help but think how he hadn't kissed her since she had been back. He could hardly keep his hands off of her before. Sure, he held her tight against him at night like some kind of doll he was too scared to sleep without, but it wasn't enough anymore. She didn't want to wait around for him to decide that he didn't want to be with her, she wanted to get it over and done with so that she could move on and get on with her life because she had lost three months already.

By now the shower had been turned off and Rick was no doubt checking himself out in the mirror. Kate couldn't help but smile at that thought, but it quickly disappeared as she remembered about how they used to shower together or take long baths whispering into one another's ears about how much they loved each other. But now they stood on separate sides of a cold wall, built out of desperation.

Her eyes filled with tears and her breathing quickened as he opened the door dressed in a pair of sweats. His eyes immediately caught her shaking figure and he knelt in front of her.

"Kate? What's wrong? Are you okay? Kate?" His voice was full of worry as he sat next to her on the bed and wrapped his arms around her. Her head buried into his chest as the weight of their situation hit her like a tonne of bricks. "It's alright; it's all going to be okay." He whispered into her hair. God she wished she could believe him.

She wiped her tears before pulling back a little, his arms still around her. He tucked her hair behind her ear gently as he looked at her with concern. "What's wrong Kate?"

She looked at him apologetically, eyes still brimming with tears. "I can't do this anymore Rick."

"Do what Kate?" He asked in desperation.

She looked down as tears slid freely down her pale cheeks and her heart broke slowly in her chest. "This. Us. I can't…" She breathed in deeply before looking into his eyes. They were wide and his face held an expression of disbelief. His grip slackened from around her as he brought his hands to his knees and turned his head away from her.

"Rick…" he shook his head as tears welled in his own eyes. "Rick please." She begged.

He looked at her, anger replacing his disbelief. "Why Beckett? Why are you doing this?"

"Because you're not." His expression turned to hurt at the accusatory tone accompanied with her statement. "I've been back for almost a week and everyone seems to have accepted that but you. You don't want me to leave and you won't let me go anywhere alone. I just stay here and do nothing all day. I've been waiting for you to realise that yes, I am alive and that you don't want me anymore. But I can't do it anymore Rick. I have lived in hell for three months and I need to get my life back." Her voice shook violently through her tears. "You won't talk to me Rick and I have been too scared to bring it up, but I can't … I just…" She wiped her cheeks. "I need to move on."

He stood up quickly and banged his fist against the wall, tears on his cheeks. "What the hell Kate!" He turned to look at her, anger building in his chest. "After everything that we've been through and you're just going to leave…again!"

She stood up as anger welled inside of her also. "You think I _want_ to leave? You think this is _easy_ for me?" She was yelling now. "I don't even know what we are anymore. I love you Castle, but if you don't love me just let me go. Don't keep me here just waiting for you to kick me out when you realise that!"

His heart raced as shock fled to his expression. His voice was softer now, but with an edge of panic. "Wait, what?! You think I don't love you anymore? Is that what this is about?" She nodded, breathing deeply as tears streamed down her flushed cheeks.

He sighed deeply and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them to look at the woman in front of him. She was pale, but her cheeks were pink from yelling, her eyes red and puffy and dark circles lined the bottom of them. She was trembling, but was trying to hide it. He hated this…fighting with her, but he had to admit, she had a point. He hadn't really been sending the right signals since she came back.

He walked past her and sat on the bed, her eyes following him. "I'm so sorry Kate." He whispered, defeated. "I never meant for you to think that I didn't love you anymore. Because I do. I love you so much it hurts. And for the past three months it has been doing nothing but that, just aching, burning. I thought you were dead, Kate. As soon as I saw the blood that morning I was convinced that you weren't coming home." He shuddered as his eyes filled with moisture. "Then you turn up at my doorstep, alive and well. I was so so afraid that I was dreaming, that if I looked away for a second that you would disappear. Well, now I'm finally convinced that you're real and I am the happiest guy in the world. But I'm also the most afraid because I thought that I lost the woman that I love and I don't want that to happen again. I was scared that if I rushed you back into what we had before that you would leave again so I didn't, but it seems to have back fired." He smiled at her sadly before she sat next to him on the bed.

"So are we still together?" She asked in a whisper.

"Well we never really broke up." He replied, his smile growing.

She looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry Rick. This is such a mess."

"Don't be." He said simply, putting his arms around her and kissing her head. "Everything will get better. I promise. After all you have something on your side."

"And what's that?"

"Me, of course."

She laughed softly. "Always?"

"Always."

**SO...What do you think? Hit review and let me know ;)**


	15. Chapter 15

**ALRIGHT! Thankyou kindly for your lovely patience. I have had exams and everything has just been hectic! This is the final chapter for this story. I hope you lovely people have enjoyed it and I thank you kindly to those you have read and reviewed. It is really appreciated. :) **

**THANKYOU! AND ENJOY!**

3 months later…

Her heart raced as she stifled a scream. Blood trickled down the sink, the bright red a stark contrast to the clean silver. She bit her lip as the pain sped through her body and shook slightly as tears sped to her eyes.

"Ow!" she whimpered in pain.

Suddenly she felt warm arms tighten around her and a voice in her ear. "Are you okay? What happened?" His voice was urgent and protective.

She held out her hand to show him the bleeding finger she had just cut into. He shook his head against her neck before releasing her to grab some tissues and handed them to her.

"Hold it tight." He instructed. "Do you want to go to the hospital? You don't feel faint or anything? You should sit down."

She smiled at his concern. "I've cut my finger before Castle. I'm fine. It's not even that bad."

He scanned her expression to make sure that she wasn't just putting on a brave face before sighing in relief. "Okay, I'll get you a band aid."

She watched him open a cupboard and rummaged through it before pulling out the band aid with a flourish. He took her hand gently and wiped the blood with the tissues before carefully putting the dressing over it, tightly, but not too tight.

"How did you cut your finger anyway?" He asked before pulling her finger to his lips and kissing it. "All better!" he smiled.

"The knife slipped on the strawberry I was cutting." She smiled back. "Thanks."

"Always." He bent down slightly and kissed her lips softly, not knowing that it made all of her pain just float away.

He leant his forehead against hers. "How about I finish cutting everything up?"

"Fine." She sighed, before joining their lips again, passion flaring through them.

They pulled apart breathless. "You keep that up, we are going to be late." He said amused and clearly not disturbed by the fact that they would be pressed for time…again.

She let go of him reluctantly before sitting on a stool as Alexis raced down the stairs followed by Martha dressed dramatically in a large sun hat.

"Is everything ready?" Alexis asked excitedly. "Can I help with anything?"

She kissed her dads cheek before walking around the bench to sit next to Kate.

"Almost." Her father replied. "Kate cut her finger so we had to stop the process for a bit."

Alexis' eyes immediately caught sight of Kate's bandaged finger.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly.

"I'm fine Alexis." She smiled at the young girl.

"That's good." She smiled back. "Oh! I forgot my phone. I'll be right back." She kissed Kate softly on the cheek before racing back up the stairs.

"Kate, darling! Are you sure you're okay?" Martha chimed in, taking Alexis' now absent stool. "We can take you to the hospital if you want."

"Yeah." Rick agreed. "It's not far."

"I'm okay, really." She looked from father to mother a little confused. "Why do you want me to go to the hospital so badly?"

Martha shook her head as her eyes became covered with a memory. Rick looked away from Kate, an embarrassed expression showing on his face.

"Well," Martha began "When Rick was younger he cut his finger quite badly and it bled absolutely everywhere! I insisted on taking him to the hospital but he was going through the stage where he was obsessed with Batman and of course," She waved her hand dramatically, "Batman wouldn't need to go to the hospital for a cut finger."

Kate smirked at Rick who defended. "Batman was cool." He looked away from her. "Still is actually."

"Anyway," Martha continued. "An hour or so goes by and I find him on the kitchen floor, pale as a ghost, blood running down his arm."

Kate breathed in sharply at the image.

"So I rang an ambulance and they took him to the hospital. Thank god all he did was faint. And let me tell you, there were no sharps in the house for a _very_ long time."

Kate put her hand on the older woman's, seeing the distress the memory had evoked through her smile.

"So are you _really_ okay?" Castle probed before adding. "Batman wouldn't think less of you if you aren't."

She laughed softly at his statement ."Yes. I am really okay. I'll let you know if that changes. Feel better?"

"Yes" He said as Alexis came down the stairs.

"Ready!" She announced, joining the adults in the kitchen.

"Roger that." Rick replied. "Let's go."

"How come you never told me that story before?" She asked quietly, looking down at their entwined hands as they walked through the park, a gentle breeze playing with her hair.

He sighed happily as he looked at her bowed head before replying. "I guess it never came up."

She could tell he wasn't lying, after all how do you really bring up a story like that.

"You freaked your mother out quite a bit." She observed looking into his eyes.

"Yeah. Just a little." He squeezed her hand. "But I think she was more worried about the fact that I could have gotten blood on the carpet."

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "I'm sure there was a bit more to it than that Castle."

"It's nice."

"What?"

"To pretend you're a super hero. To feel like you're invincible." He was looking straight ahead. "That's how I felt before I met you, anyway." He smiled as his eyes returned to hers; they had stopped walking now, both their hands joined. "I was in my own fame filled bubble, convinced that I could get whatever I wanted. Convinced that I was better than the law, than death. I wasn't afraid of anything."

She bit her lip as tears welled in her eyes. She wanted to look away but she found she couldn't.

His voice was so bewitchingly raw with emotion as she struggled to find her own. "And now?" She whispered.

"Well, my bubble has definitely burst." He smiled. "But I wouldn't have it any other way. Meeting you reminded me that I'm only human, that humans make mistakes and they can't always get what they want when they want it. I learnt that there are people out there who are fighting for justice, for freedom, for their lives. I learnt what real strength was when I met you, what it meant to fight, what it meant to win. I learnt that there was more to life than always winning, sometimes you lose and sometimes you're better off because of it." He pulled a loose strand of hair behind her cheek. "I don't feel invincible anymore. Far from it actually." His smile widened. "And I've never felt better in my life. Because that fear makes me live every day to the fullest, to love the people I love and do the things I never thought I would do. That fear lead me to right here, to you….to them" He motioned to Martha who was reclining on a picnic rug and to Lanie and Alexis who were laughing as Ryan attempted to tackle a ball from Esposito. She turned her back to him to watch them as a smile grew on her face and he laced his arms around her.

"I love you." He whispered in her ear.

"I love you too." She turned in his arms and kissed him slowly before flashing him a large smile and grabbing his hand. "Let's go." She led him over to their friends, their shoulders bumping lightly.

Life was good

**FINAL THOUGHTS? FEELINGS? LET ME KNOW :) THANKS FOR READING!**


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